Write On!

              - 2 0 - Grief & Recovery
Stress takes a toll on your body so be sure to pay special attention
to your diet, rest and exercize. Even if you get no enjoyment from eating, force
yourself to eat regularly and well. Sometimes it is easier to eat small, frequent
meals. If you can't sleep at night, take daytime naps. Get exercize and fresh
air. You may have to force yourself to follow these suggestions but you will be
able to withstand more stress if your body is cared for.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is to accept your
grief and let yourself express it. You have a right to be upset so don't feel your
are ' bothering' others. Burying these feelings now may cause them to later
emerge as severe physiological or psychological problems and, by delaying
your grief process in this way, you may find that, when you are ready to grieve,
others have moved on and you find yourself alone. Find someone who cares
and share how you feel.
Grief seems to come in ' waves'. At first these waves may be so big
and strong as to be overwhelming. As time passes they will become smaller
and less frequent, coming and going, often without warning. They can be
triggered by small things such as a familiar place, a birthday or an anniversary
of a special event you shared with the deceased. A familiar smell is a little
known but powerful trigger and can hit you, literally, out of the blue. Prepare
yourself when possible. If a melancholy event such as a birthday or
anniversary is coming up, plan to be somewhere else or doing something
different. Sometimes, though, you may be caught unaware. Accept this as
normal and prepare yourself mentally so you will not be completely
overwhelmed.
There may be times in the midst of all these painful feelings that you
experience bursts of happiness. Enjoy them. Don't feel guilty, for they are the
gifts that can give you the strength and perspective to carry on. A widow I
interviewed told me," One morning the death and pain was not the first thing I
thought of. At first I felt a little guilty that maybe I was forgetting him. Then I
realized that, actually, this was a sign that I was recovering and would
survive". Those around you may not understand and you may feel criticized for
doing l o o well'. Remember, you are the true judge of how you are doing. Don't
let others control your recovery.
Sometimes you will feel a desperate need to be with others and
sometimes you will need to be alone. Tell your friends and loved ones what
you need. They care for you and wish to make it easier for you but they cannot
know how you feel or how they can help unless you tell them. People do want
to help but often don't know how. Asking them for specifics benefits them, too,
Loss often triggers unresolved problems from your past and this can
intensify or lengthen the grief process. If other issues seem to be a factor, or if
you feel unable to cope with raging emotions and overwhelming feelings,
there's no shame in asking for professional help. Anger or guilt that's taking
over every interaction is sometimes an indication that a problem should be
handled professionally. Thoughts of suicide, particularly if you start to
formulate plans, need attention before they get out of hand. Asking for help is
not a weakness; it's often a sign of inner strength.